June 24th, 2017
Five more minutes. Time seems to be going slow. The old lady that sat beside me asked me what my name was for the 10th time in the past hour. Her daughter turned to me and said ¨Sorry.¨ I replied saying ¨Its alright.¨ Three more minutes until the meeting with the doctor. I was really nervous, I kept shaking my leg. My mom pats my leg and said ¨Stop don’t be nervous¨. I can see that my mom is also very nervous. The pregnant lady in front of me smiled and said ¨Hi¨, I replied with a shaky ¨Hi.¨ ¨Claire Johnson, please come in,” said the receptionist. I got up slowly. I noticed my mom was getting up too, I stopped her ¨I will go by myself¨, I said. The receptionist welcomed me inside with a warm smile. I headed into the office and saw Dr. Hills reading some files.
¨Come in, take a seat¨, said Dr. Hills. Dr.Hills seemed very hesitant and upset. I knew he had bad news for me. ¨Give it to me straight, doctor, ¨ I said. ¨Claire you have a terminal illness, we have been trying our best to change things but unfortunately, your body isn’t reacting the way we want it to. I can predict you will live for at least a month more.¨ replied Dr. Hills. I just froze and tears started to come out of my eyes. ¨Help yourself¨ said Dr. Hills pointing at the tissue box. A thought came to mind I couldn’t let anyone know this. ¨Would you like me to tell your mom for you¨ asked, Dr. Hills. ¨No I don’t want to tell anyone for now,¨ I replied. Dr. Hills said ¨Okay¨ and handed me some medications to take. The receptionist walked me out and brought me to my mom. I felt like everyone was staring at me. My mom and I walked out of the hospital without saying a thing to each other. We got into the car and my mom seemed very confused and sad. ¨Does she know?¨, I questioned myself.
I turned on the radio to distract my mom. My mom started to cry. ¨Mom are you ok?, ¨ I questioned. ¨Yes Claire, I am just worried about you, ¨ she said. ¨Dr. Hills said I am fine, he said I need to come back for treatment in a month and I will be fully cured. ¨ I replied. My mom wiped her tears and gave me a kiss on my cheek. ¨I love you, mom,¨ I said. We drove home silently. I wanted the last 30 days to be my best days. I knew I had to act normal and to make sure no one finds out and I knew I had to enjoy every second until it lasts. I knew I couldn’t just sit and cry all month, I have to use my time wisely and make sure I get the best out of it. ¨I have to spend the last days of my life to the fullest¨, I repeated in my head. I wanted to spend time with people that I will miss first. ¨Mom can you drop me off at Emily’s house¨, I asked. ¨Sure¨, she replied. Emily’s house was 5 minutes away from ours. My mom was driving fast as well so we got there in 3 minutes.
¨Ding Dong¨, I was standing outside of Emily’s house. Her house was pitch dark. ¨But she is always home¨, I thought to myself. The lights switched on and Emily walked down the stairs. ¨Hey Claire¨, she rejoiced. ¨Are you busy?¨, I said getting straight to my point. ¨No come on in¨, she replied. We walked up to her room in silence. ¨So what’s up?¨, she said in a quiet voice. I just came from the hospital so I wanted to stop by. ¨Is everything okay¨, she asked. I explained to her about how the doctor said I will be cured after a month. I didn’t want to tell her the truth. I wanted to spend quality time with Emily as she was my best friend since kindergarten. ¨So Emily, summer break has just been so boring for me¨, I started to speak. ¨Same¨, she replied. ¨You want to go somewhere together?¨, I asked. ¨That would be amazing anything to get out of this house¨, she chuckled. I will text you the details after, I said. ¨Ring, ring, ring¨, my mom was calling me. ¨Claire, I’m waiting outside in the car, come when your ready¨ she said. I turned to Emily and told her I had to leave. She walked with me to the door and I left. ¨I’m going to miss her¨ I thought to myself while walking to the car. I got in and my mom seemed to be happier than ever. I didn’t want to ask why so I just acted happy as well. We rode to my favourite restaurant to grab food and headed home. I got home and enjoyed dinner with my family. I headed to my room, pulled out my laptop and searched up Stanely Park. I always wanted to go there and I knew I had to before I died. I picked up my phone and texted Emily.
¨Hey, u wanna go to Stanely Park at 3:30 tmrw?”
¨I continued to look at more pictures on google. The view looked amazing. Ding, Emily replied ¨Hey, yeah that sounds amazing I will pick u up at ur place at 2:30”
I knew we were going to have a good time. I went to my closet and picked out an outfit and headed to bed.
I woke up to the birds chirping on my window ledge. ¨Today is going to be amazing I repeated in my head¨. I headed down for breakfast and ran back upstairs to get ready. ¨Honk Honk¨, Emily was outside my house. I quickly grabbed my camera and headed out. I jumped into the car and we both drove off. Emily’s mom was driving us to the park. Getting there took a long time but the sights were amazing. We rode past a farm with a lot of animals. I snapped a few pictures to add to my collection of memories. “We’re here! We’re here!”, screamed Emily. We were at the entrance to the park. Emily’s mom paid for the tickets and we were heading in. I pulled out my camera to take more pictures. I jumped out the car and the breeze of warm air hit me. “This is amazing”, I thought to myself. Emily and I were enjoying the views and sights we saw. “The hill”, I exclaimed. “Let’s go there”, I demanded. Emily and I just sat on the hill and talked. I tried not to hint at anything but it was getting hard. She was talking about the future a lot. “I’m not going to be there”, I said crying in my head. “It’s getting late we should go”, I said. Emily called her mom to pick us up. We headed home and we were both silent. “Um Claire, your house is here”, Emily said. I zoned out. “Sorry, thanks Emily I will text you later”, I said and headed out.
I laid in bed and thought to myself “what do I want to do next”. I had 29 days left. “My mom”, I said. I needed to spend time with her. “But how”, I thought. My mom loved going to the movies and so did I. “Mom!”, I yelled while heading downstairs. “Do you want to go to the movies tomorrow with me?”, I questioned. “Wow, Claire you are very bored aren’t you, but sure”, she replied while laughing. I headed back upstairs in excitement. I fell asleep while looking at the pictures on the camera. The next morning, my mom made my favorite breakfast, eggs, and bacon. We ate breakfast and headed out right away. The theatres were far away from our house. We knew we had to leave now to get there on time. “12:00”, the clock read on my phone. The movies start at 12:30 I jumped out the car and ran into the theatres. My mom got the tickets and popcorn while I went and stood in line. There was a long line. “12:29”, we entered into the theatres and enjoyed the movie. My mom and I laughed and talked the whole time. We were having an amazing time. The movie was done, my mom and I headed home happy as ever. “If I die right now I would die happily”, I thought to myself.
3 Weeks Later
3 weeks went by smooth and happy. I spent quality time with the ones I loved. 7 more days until the disaster.
“12:00 am”, the clock read. “What next?”, I thought to myself. I didn’t want to do much. I just wanted to die simply. I knew if I died I wanted to die without any stress or regrets. At this point in life, I was ready to die. I wasn’t sure if that was the right decision but it seemed accurate to me. “Will people ever know what I actually felt?”, I thought. Then an idea popped into my mind.
“What if I wrote a letter?”. I picked up my lucky pencil and a piece of paper and started writing.
The strange thing is that a 20-year-old girl like me has a terminal illness. I’m not sure what I did to deserve this but its faith. That’s the thing about life; it’s fragile, precious and unpredictable. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy but the control is out of my hand. I just want you to know I have lived my best life and I’m dying in peace. I am sorry for not telling you this before. I just didn’t want to spend my last days hurting people. I have had a great time with everyone. I am so thankful for every little thing that has happened to me. A special thanks to my mom for bringing me into this world.
I was in tears while writing this letter. I put the letter under my bed so that when it’s time it is easy to grab.
5 more days
My health was getting poorer and poorer as days went by. My heart was failing. I was losing a lot of weight. It was becoming harder for me to hide it from the people around me as changes were showing in my looks. I just told them the treatment was kicking in and the side effects were what they were seeing. I wasn’t able to do much except for lay in bed and be on my phone. I didn’t mind it at all. Dr. Hills kept checking in every day as the day was coming closer.
4 more days
I woke up like any other ordinary day but I just felt something was wrong. I headed downstairs for breakfast and felt really tired even though I had just woke up. I had a bite of my breakfast and wasn’t engaged in anything my mom was telling me. I just headed back upstairs and laid in bed. “11:11”, the clock read. “Had I fallen asleep?” I thought. I woke up and headed to the bathroom to wash my face until my heart started beating really fast. My vision was going blurry and I was getting cold. “Was this it?” I questioned myself. I heard the phone ring, it had to be Dr. Hills checking in on me but I couldn’t seem to see where the phone was. My mom walked upstairs after realizing my phone had been ringing for a long time. “Claire” I heard her call as she walked up the stairs. I was trying to go to the door but I couldn’t see. My ears started ringing. I felt my bed and grabbed the letter. My hands were starting to get numb. I fell straight to the ground. “CLAIRE!” I heard my mom rush into the room. “Look at me!”, I can hear my moms voice but it started fading away. “Claire stay with me, don’t leave me, I need….” This was it. On July 22nd, 2017 11:45 I “Claire Johnson” passed away due to terminal issues.