On November 30th, an elf found a large bag, which weighed about 100 pounds, full of coal, inside the loading bay of Santa’s headquarters at the North Pole. It had a stamp attached that was addressed to Donald John Trump and the White House, both of the United States of America.
The elf was caught dragging the 100 pound bag of coal across the perfect marble floor of Santa’s loading bay, heading towards the incinerator. Santa’s own hired guards, employed by North Pole Security Inc., a company specializing in providing guards for extreme-weather conditions stopped the elf. The elf was immediately detained and charged with theft over $100,000.
“You know, the whole system of America is rigged. The system favours the democrats, not the people as a whole! There is widespread voter fraud in America. The voting system should be based on the counties, and give each county one electoral vote. Donald Trump should have won! Santa will pay,” said the elf when they were interviewed by one of our reporters. Unfortunately for this elf, there is no genuine proof of any large-scale voter fraud in the United States of America, and the county system would break America’s democracy.
We interviewed Santa Claus himself on the matter. “I really wanted to make a special delivery this year, and deliver fifty million extra mail-in ballots across the red states, to give Joe Biden a perfect 538 electoral votes, but I am not allowed to deliver anything until Christmas according to my wife. So I decided the next best thing was to deliver Donald Trump a massive bag of coal,” said Santa Claus.
The elf believed that the large bag was a mistake, and believed that Trump did nothing wrong to deserve a 100 pound bag of coal this year. The elf thought that the bag should have been addressed to Suzanne Scott, and to be delivered to the Fox News headquarters in New York City, New York.
Donald Trump did not make himself available to comment, however a White House spokesperson released a statement: “The conspiracy of Santa Claus, and the 100-pound bag filled with coal, is as bizarre as saying that Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself, or that there is no widespread voter fraud in the past presidential election,” said the spokesperson.
Further updates to this story will be provided as the elf faces criminal trial in the North Pole under the laws that Santa Claus has set.